Disordered Eating

I feel like I need to clarify my last post a little bit.

I've spent a lot of time the past week or so trying to figure out what's going on with me. I've not been feeling very happy, and it has all been connected to food/losing weight/not losing weight. I have been reading back over a lot of my posts, and it seems evident to me that I have some real, major problems with food (duh). I've known for a long time that I run near having an eating disorder, but I find myself getting closer and closer to really unhealthy (mostly mentally) attitudes and actions toward food and myself. I have to step back and figure this out.

I have a lot more to say on this, but it's all bouncing around in my head in a not very clear way. As I flesh it out a bit, there will be more, but for now, just know that I'm working on getting healthy, inside and out, but that I'm easing up for awhile--especially on things like counting points/tracking/etc. Today I tried really hard to just make healthy choices, and even though I ate a couple little pieces of candy, I don't feel guilty/out of control. I just feel like I ate a couple pieces of candy. I've been trying so hard to be perfect that when I "mess up" a little bit, I allow that to be reason to go completely nuts.

I'll still be here, but I think the goals are changing. I'm not giving up on losing 100 lbs, per se, but I am going to try to move past a lot of the motivations behind it, and move past my obsession with numbers. I don't know what that means yet, or how I'll get there, but I will.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there. I know what it is to struggle with all of this weight stuff and with depression. ~hugs~

    I thought I was going to love being a stay at home mom and then I really didn't. I struggled with shame, with food and with depression (I'm not in any way suggesting this is you btw). I didn't share it with anyone, including Wade, for a very long time. Once again I'm struck by how brave you are to share your experience and allow others to accompany you on this journey.