My OFC Weight Room Cherry

That's gross, isn't it? Maybe it's because I spent the last hour surrounded by what looked like the second string baseball team from Timpview High School. Adolescent boys, well, they're kind of the worst. It wasn't that they did anything, or said anything, but I just had these paralyzing reminiscences of high school life that made me entirely uncomfortable.

In high school, I always felt like I could hold my own, felt pretty confident, because I knew everyone and got along w/ them, and if anything, I knew I would probably have class with them and knew I was smarter and funnier than they were. There was always this crippling agony, though, of either being considered completely nonsexual--basically another dude, or as something hideous that people were making jokes about behind my back. It probably wasn't happening, I was likely not even on people's radar, but such is the life of a self-conscious being. Always assuming that people are talking shit on you. Or worse, being nice to your face so they can make fun of you when you're not around. Sad, isn't it, that's where I go in my interactions with people.

I can't say that I got over that as I got older (I really didn't), but after being married and having a kid, it has certainly gotten better. I feel pretty comfortable until I'm around groups of people and I'm alone, especially groups of men together or groups of women together. Then my mind instantly goes to "what do I look like? Are they making fun of me?"

Anyway--that's the not particularly clear, long-winded way of getting to the point: my weight-lifting workout sucked. I've sporadically lifted weights over the years, but have always felt uncomfortable/not confident, so combine that with a bunch of high school boys, and basically I spent the whole time feeling really self-conscious.

I made it through my workout, but not happily. Then all the cardio machines were in use, so I only worked out for a half hour (good thing I got a walk in earlier). I realized that I need a weight lifting buddy if I'm going to keep it up at OFC, otherwise I'm going to have to invest in some dumbbells and just do my lifting at home.

I am really proud of myself for going, I've worked out 3 days in a row now, and I also haven't had any sugar! I've kept up w/ my other goals as well, but those two are the hardest for me. I think the sugar thing is really helping with my inflammation problems, which may be reason enough for me to stay off for good (yeah, right).

Album of the Day
She and Him, Vol. 1
I haven't listened to this in ages, and I was trying to find something fun to sing to Evie today (she was having kind of a rough one). This fit the bill, and I probably listened to this song 5 times.

Day 6
"Whatever Tickles Your Fancy"
baby hacker

I'm guessing that this means I get to post anything I want. Which is weird (and there are quite a few of these days---methinks the creator of this 30 days was la-hay-zee). So, here's some adorable pictures of Evie. Chances are pretty good there will be a lot of these.

5 comments:

  1. I feel the exact same way around boys/men and women.
    And, Evie is a cute one. So cute.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i could never lift weights alone, either. bryan and i both need to do some strength-training again, and we'd love to meet you at the OFC.

    ReplyDelete
  3. p.s., i showed bryan the baby hacker picture: "this is the funniest thing i've ever seen! oh my god!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. i would be mortified to workout with high school boys. i am proud of you. and i also always feel the same way you do with the self-awareness and social anxiety. in high school, before i knew the secrets of your heart, i always watched you with awe, which is why it is always funny/sad to me to hear that you felt that kind of social anxiety in HS. it is the last thing i would have expected. you just seemed to me like this effortlessly cool, witty, well-liked, sun-kissed golden girl. seriously. everybody liked you. you kind of transcended high school social groups, which is nothing short of AMAZING. you were friends with the preppy kids, the stoners, hicks, cheerleaders, jocks, etc. everyone. and now that we are grown-ups, you still have that quality. i don't even know if you are aware of it. people love you. you should not feel self-conscious. also; those pics of baby eves break my heart with cuteness.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Holy Jeebus - parallel lives, much? Same. Exact. Feelings over here. I am so not good at controlling my anxiety in these situations and for some reason I always feel like I'm "intruding" - like the fat girl is ruining their good time.

    High school was ok in the respect that I felt kind of like you did - I was funnier /smarter than them and I could make them like me. But in a situation like you described? Hell no.

    Colleen
    Goodbye, Fat Girl!


    PS, Evie is one of the cutest babies ever.

    ReplyDelete