Fangs for nothing

Where did you go, Errin? Why did you disappear? You were doing so well. Yeah. I know. This round of teething has put me through the ringer/wringer (?). 3 consecutive nights without sleep (ok, without sleep in longer than hour spurts) and days filled with screaming have not boded well for me and my goals.

If we're being totally honest, I've done better than I would have done a month ago, or even a couple of weeks ago. I've successfully managed to stay away from sugar and w/in my points range, and even managed to keep myself from stress eating. This is pretty huge for me. No secret treats, no binges, no cart full of Easter candy at Target, no taking sips of Vegor's soda. This most recent attempt at my #7daychip has been really good for me, mentally (physically, too, but the mental is by far more difficult to overcome).

I didn't exercise yesterday, nor did I get all my water in (I think I hit about 96 oz., which is good, great even, but not my goal). I thought I might put off starting again until I can get some sleep, but if I can get a workout in today I'll be right back on track. I might make it through this more unscathed than I first assumed.

I do need to talk about how seriously proud I am of myself for not caving into stress eating. It's my biggest burden (and how I ended up eating old Little Caesar's last week--still grossed out by that) and challenge when it comes to eating. I am really good at following my plan, making healthy choices in all but two situations: emotional (usually stress, but sometimes loneliness) eating, and social situations. With the latter, I can throw down. Real, honest-to-god, binges. Whole pizzas. Cartons of ice cream. You get the picture. Then I wonder why I've gained 100 pounds in the last 8 years (not that all of my weight gain is related to this, but it certainly plays a big part). I don't think I fully realized this until last week. I've been so conscious of the food I eat, trying to make good decisions, healthy choices, that when I started eating a slice of cold, nasty-pizza--as fast as I could, while trying to make lunch for a battalion of screaming youngsters, I realized, in the moment, what I was doing. I don't think I've been aware of that before, knowing that I was eating to deal with something beyond my control. I mean, I knew that I did that, I've just not been cognizant in the moment.

So, yesterday, when I got a break from the screamer, I went to Target to pick up some baby ibuprofen and tylenol, and to just wander around in a fluorescent-lit, mass-retail stupor, I was really proud that I didn't throw a couple of bags of mini Cadbury eggs into my cart. That I didn't purchase a Snickers, or a Twix, or a myriad of other possible treats at the checkout. Because I wanted to. Badly. I could have eaten a bag of mini eggs in the car, and no one would have ever known. But I knew why I wanted it, and I knew that it wasn't a viable solution. The same happened at Wendy's when I picked up dinner for Vegor (I know. I'm a fast-food enabler). I stared down the frostys. I looked at his big cup of root beer, and I said no. Normally, I would have drank a third of it before getting home, but not a drop touched these lips. I did have a few of his fries, but I kept myself under control.

So, yeah. Despite the screaming, the no sleep, the lack of workouts--I feel good. I feel strong. I feel aware, and that's huge for me.

7 comments:

  1. Errin, this sounds like an incredible breakthrough for you. I can remember in the not-too-distant past when I would throw two giant Twix bars in on the belt at the supermarket and EAT THEM BOTH on the way home because (and I know this is sick) my 2 year old can't see me eat from her car seat and wouldn't ask me for any. The first time I resisted that urge to do that was HUGE for me and lead to a mountain of self-discovery.

    I'm really proud of you - not for eating the slice of cold pizza (one of my favs, by the way), but for ACKNOWLEDGING it and learning from it.

    You freaking ROCK.

    Colleen
    Goodbye, Fat Girl!

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  2. It's amazing how easy it is to focus only on the things you don't accomplish or the goals that you didn't meet rather than to acknowledge all the great things you have done and ways you have changed.

    That is so fantastic that you have developed that kind of self control!! Massively inspiring!

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  3. Amazing! You are doing so awesome!

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  4. Awesome job at Target, I know what a temptation all that Easter candy is, I have walked those candy aisles so many times. It's tempting and so it is so totally awesome that you put the smack down on those temptations!

    Way to Go!!

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  5. P.S. I just blogged about my own enabling habits of doing the drive thru for a loved one and the temptations that go with that.

    I so feel ya!

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  6. first of all errin; oh my god, i am sorry about the sleepless nights. i feel your pain. and i am so so sorry. you are a champion for even getting out of the house. j-dawg has been waking up like, every 2 hours screaming his little head off all week, and as a result i have only left the house once all week, have not changed out of sweats and spit-up stained t-shirts, and i have eaten like crap. so, seriously; i commend you. i am really proud of you for having the awareness and willpower to stop the stress binges. anxiety is my biggest trigger with food binges. have we ever had a conversation about this? i don't think so. anyway... i have struggled for years to overcome the stress binge. still am. i wish i could give you a big hug right now. i love your guts and am very proud of you.

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  7. YEAH!!! Keep it up, that is awesome.

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