When, oh when will I run again?

I want to be there, on the trail, pushing the stroller. I just wish someone would teleport me and the kid, already strapped in, right to the trail so I could just start. I struggle so much with the getting going. I went on a nice walk w/ one of my nearest and dearest's, so I still got some exercise, but I really need to R.U.N.

My eating today was good, that's 2 days straight, though I'm surprised I made it today. A quesadilla AND a vegetarian burrito for lunch (stupid Taco Time, tempting me). Greek yogurt w/ peaches and granola for breakfast, polenta w/ cremini mushrooms, asparagus and spinach for dinner.

I stayed completely within my points, no going over! I'm struggling though. I'm strongly, strongly considering starting up meetings for the additional support. The internet's nice and all, but I can use all the help I can get. I also have got to figure out a time/way to get in real workouts. The warm weather will help, but I have to be honest with myself in knowing that the weather isn't always going to be great and that it cannot be an excuse any longer.

I'm also realizing that another area that might be helping me pack on the pounds is cooking. The bites and tastes are all adding up. But, I'm a tasting cook. How do I resolve this? How do I know if it needs this or that or a shake of something if I haven't tasted it? I know I don't need to be picking at food multiple times as I prepare it, but I've got to find something in between.

No food pictures today, but since I got dressed, there's a new "what I wore" picture. I like to call this look, "Grandpa goes gardening." I have a feeling I will be wearing the hell out of this (sans cardigan) all summer long. The hat was to cover my pink hair, which got dyed at Holi Fest this weekend and will not wash out. I just fixed it, and I'm absolutely in love with the color. It's as close to my natural color as I've felt I've been in a long, long time. A few blonde streaks now and again rather than doing huge full-color weaves all the time will be so much better. It's messy now, but tomorrow you'll all see the new coif.

Friend Making Monday

I really wish I were part of the larger, stronger group of weight-loss bloggers. These men and women seem to support each other so much, and that's one of the reasons I decided to write about my attempts to lose weight rather than just do it on my own. I've met a few ("met" you know, twitter-followed/blog-commented) a few people I really like, but am hoping to meet more friends. That said, today is, apparently "friend making Monday" (I just follow the rules, people). So, I'm hoping this kind of gets the ball rolling. The way it works? You answer the following questions on your own blog, then post the link here, in the comments, so everybody gets to know each other a little bit? Makes sense, right?

With no further adieu, FMM #1

1) What is your favorite physical feature? I have a freckle on my nose that is right between my eyes, and I think it's really adorable. I have pretty good lips, too, I think.

2) List three adjectives that describe you. Funny. Smart. Empathetic.

3) How old were you when you had your first kiss? 18.

4) Do you believe in God? I think I believe in little-g god. Big G God is a little too much for me to comprehend/understand/believe in, but little-g, yeah. I can handle little-g.

5) How often do you watch the news? A few nights a week I'll end up seeing snippets of the local news and laughing my ass off. I'm kind of an internet news junky, though, so I'm usually really on top of it.

If you participate, please put your link in a comment! 

2 days strong

Weekends are weird for me. I get off my schedule, and it becomes hard for me to do the things I need to do...but not today, beetches! I met all of my goals! My movement goal was on the low end of activity (just some squats and situps and such, but still!) Too many exclamation points.

Breakfast was 2 eggs, spinach and a bit of feta, finished with some smoked sea salt. I am in love with my fancy salts!

Lunch wasn't really anything. Just picking at things at my parents' house. A handful of rice chex, some yogurt drops (Evie's babyfood).

Dinner was, surprise surprise, Tarahumara. This time, I didn't let the restaurant win! I had the veggie fajitas, but used some of the salsas rather than sour cream, guacamole or cheese. Instead of rice and beans, I opted for a salad w/ a vinaigrette on the side.

I gagged down a green shake just now. Didn't put the effort into making it. Just some powdered greens in almond milk w/ a banana. It was pretty gross. But I did it, because that's my goal.

The day was so uneventful on all fronts, which was nice, but doesn't make for much blog-worthiness. Tomorrow is weigh-in. I hope to have lost the weight I put on last week (seriously, eff last week). I'd like to be down to 230 by my birthday at the end of April, which I think is pretty doable if I stick with this. That would put me down 30 pounds since the beginning of the year. It's ten pounds slower than I planned on being, but still on track for the 100 for the year. Big goals for big girls, right?

A good day for the books

Today was nice. The weather was garbage, so Vegs took the car, which left me homebound with the tiny screamer. I don't things could have gone better. My house is clean, laundry done, Evie's room organized/too small clothes put away, I worked out and ate healthily.

If all bad weather days were like today, I would be a pretty happy lady. The difference between my kid sleeping and not sleeping is life-changing. She's pleasant, I'm pleasant, things get done.

Brekkie was a yogurt parfait w/ mango and an orange. Seriously, if I were to go back to vegan eating, I don't know what I would do without greek yogurt. Protein! No sugar! Delicious! If I could find a local source for this, I might just live on it alone.

I snacked on a banana and some Beehive cheese company's Promontory cheddar (probably should have been an apple. I thought of it too late.) I made a haul at Harmon's yesterday and this cheese was one of my favorite buys. They also had fancy salts available in tiny containers in my price range. I bought some gray salt and some smoked salt. Both have pretty much been life-changers for me. For under a couple of bucks? A total win.

GREEN. SHAKE. I'm glad I made this one of my goals for my 7 day chip. They fill me up for so long and I feel so healthy!

Dinner was vegan chili. Mmmm. I love using the crockpot. This was so easy, and so good. I wish I could give you a recipe, but, it was all kind of thrown together. Some secret ingredients? Tomato sauce with jalapenos, and unsweetened cocoa. Really, really tasty.

I did the advanced bar method while Evie slept. Got through most of it. My bones shook for about 45 minutes after. That thing kicks my ass every time. I can't find my beginner's DVD, so I've just been slogging through the advanced one. Lordy. Lordy. Lordy.

I got a seed catalog in the mail today. This is how I will be spending the rest of my evening.

How about...Average?

Sometimes after really good days, I crash. I struggle being in the middle, not being extreme. So, let's all be happy together that I didn't go off the deep end.

I didn't make it w/ my goal today, mostly thanks to some Reese's bunnies and a glass of wine, so I didn't go way over my points, but enough that I am going to start my 7 day chip goal again. I really like this program even though I haven't been very successful. I decided I needed some clearer goals for what I'm going to attempt.

1) No going over daily points. If I'm eating healthily, I usually have plenty of wiggle room in my daily points range.

2) Only one processed carb meal per day--pasta, bread, tortillas, pitas, etc. pick a meal and stick with it.

3) Have a green shake every day. I love the way I feel when I have them. They're low in points and fill me up a lot, and they're super healthy.

4) Move. Every. Day. This can be a leisurely walk to a full-blown workout. But every day I need to get my butt going.

I think these are really healthy, attainable goals for my 7 day chip. I'd like to eventually try for 100 day chip, but, clearly small steps are a problem for me.

I also have another new rule that I want to implement, but it's not exactly a goal--more an out. I will allow myself to go into my weekly points if, and only if, I have earned enough activity points (God, I love Weight Watchers and all its lingo) to equal all of my weekly points. That's more than doable, if I want to have a bit of a weekend splurge (think Communal. Mmmm. Communal) then I eat clean and get in really good workouts all week long.

Unrelated (other than with the plethora of healthy veg I hope to have at the end of summer): I went to my community garden meeting today. I'm really excited to have a place to grow my own vegetables that's near my home. I've stocked up on gardening books from the library and hope to have an idea of what I want to do by the time I'm able to plant.

Answer to Prayers

I am not a religious gal. I do not go to church, I do not pray. My belief in the almighty is a shaky, bizarre mix of bits I've picked up along the way. That said, I'm accepting the intervention that came today to be outside of myself and will leave it at that.

Evie slept like crap last night, which in turn, means that her father and I also slept like crap. Up more times than I can count. This morning, she wouldn't eat, napped fitfully, I was at my wits' end. I started bawling. "I don't know what to do! Help me know what to do!" After a good 15 minutes of freaking out, I looked outside and decided to go for a run.

Any other day, it would not have happened.

I would have been too tired, to overwhelmed, too upset. But today, amid more craziness than I'd dealt with in a bit, I decided to go. I packed up a tired, cranky kid, called Ashley so someone could find me if we got attacked (I carry mace and have my gps on, too, but it's my defense against 127 hours syndrome--always leave a note, you know?) and ran my guts out.

It felt amazing. Granted, I'm still doing week 1 workouts, so I'm only running 1 minute at a time, but I did the workout twice, which means I ran for a total of 18 minutes. I went 3.3 miles. I needed it.

When I got home, my food choices were good. I didn't feel stressed out or crazy anymore. I realized that the best I could do was the best I could do. So, my kid might not nap like she should. My house won't get cleaned and I won't get out of my workout clothes, but I've taken care of her and myself as best I could. That made me feel really calm and okay with the situation.

I forget that she's just tiny, and that it's more than okay for me to not have my whole life together right now. I just need to focus on keeping her healthy, happy and safe, and need to do the same thing for me. Baseboards will get scrubbed soon enough, makeup will be applied when there's time. For now, the order of importance in my life (for me, not her or Veg) is eat well, exercise. Anything beyond that is delicious gravy.

Food today worked out really well. I made some non-fat granola, sweetened w/ pear juice (don't tell the kid I raided her juice stash), and put it with plain greek yogurt. I never in my life thought I would be eating plain yogurt and liking it, but man alive, do I!

Lunch was baked tofu w/ barbecue sauce and a bunch of sauteed veg. I dumped most of the veggies I had hanging out in the freezer into a frying pan w/ a little salt and pepper. Man. I have missed meals like this. I have missed tofu! It was so filling and delicious and healthy. It definitely kept me going for the rest of the afternoon.

Dinner, was not as healthy, but I still stayed within my daily points (I even had a few to spare!) I made one of Vegor's favorites--"Hot Hats". They're basically calzones w/o sauce, but since I had no pizza dough, I opted for puff pastry. I had one serving of puff pastry (back in the old days I would have eaten a whole sheet) w/ havarti cheese. Lordy. So unhealthy, yet so amazing. I was happy that I could indulge just a little bit and feel like I got what I wanted but also followed my own guidelines. I got a little hungry around 8 so had another serving of yogurt w/ Crofters and a banana mixed in and a couple pieces of toast.

I'd like all of my days to look a lot like today. Exercise, healthy eating, calmness, confidence. I'm trying. Day one of my #7daychip goal, down!

A Nap

Makes all the difference in the world. I woke up, ate a bowl of cheerios, and resolved to do better tomorrow (I feel like I do a hell of a lot of that). Why am I so good at trying after the fact?

I'm trying to make myself feel better with the fact that it is supposed to be 55 degrees tomorrow. I need to go outside. I need to run. I need to feel the sunshine. Tomorrow we run, screaming or no, because I NEED IT!

Here is something that is making me feel sad: the fact that H&M online doesn't exist for people in the states, because I would like to buy everything from this collection (cute plus size clothes that are the same clothes as the straight sizes? WTF? What genius thought of this, and might I kiss them upon the mouth? Also, why do 'Merican girls get no love?). Seriously. I'm strongly considering commissioning purchases via paypal w/ friends in other countries. I'm sure it won't cost one million dollars.

My Baby Likes

a fat Momma. At least, this is the implicit message she sent today, when she blocked my attempts to exercise at every turn.

She slept fitfully through the night, but upon waking was Little Miss Screamface. I hoped naps would soothe the savage beast, and that I might, perchance, get a chance to at least do a DVD during her second nap. HA. HA. HA.

My original plan was to go do a C25K workout, but the combination of snow (SNOW!) and ear splitting screams just nixed it entirely. This morning as she napped, I got my house clean and as soon as I went to change into my workout clothes, the screaming returned. I stayed in workout clothes in the hopes that I would find more chances. Nope. Just more yelling.

I should make it clear that my baby rarely cries. Just yells. So. FRIGGIN. Loudly. But after her attempt at a second nap she woke up crying really hard.

I've given up. This day is a big fat zero. I ate fairly healthily, though I did a stress gorge on some leftover pasta in the middle of the afternoon. I realized what was happening, stopped, ate 2 oranges and a carrot to try and quell my need to nosh, and it seemed to do the trick. I'm pretty sure the pasta put me over for the day, though, since I didn't measure, and was just mindlessly scarfing to silence the crazy within.

It became pretty clear that my food issues are so much more than making healthy food choices for meals, I have to evaluate how I eat emotionally (we all do it, and if you don't, I kind of hate you) and how I can modify that so that it's healthy.

This day is a bust. I'm going to bed ASAMFP. Hopefully my kid will sleep through the night and my period will show up and the sun will be shining tomorrow, because I need a friggin break.


I have a plan, and it includes making strength training my bitch. This is a necessary plan, because, I'm a major wuss. I've always lacked in upper body strength, but my lower half was always been pretty strong. Of course, the past decade I've let it dissolve into oblivion, and now a squat makes me want to puke. So, strength training is getting added in. I've been thinking about this for awhile, but tonight it became abundantly clear.

I tried doing the advanced Bar Method dvd again, after a couple months of rest. Bad effing idea. I got my little sister to join in with me, so I didn't have to suffer alone, and she was feeling the murderous affects, too. Each squat, each pelvic tuck, each calf-raise reminded me that I needed to get stronger. It also reminded me of how strong I used to be, and I miss it. I used to lift and run most days a week. I would do workout classes in the evening 2 or 3 back to back (including hip-hop, which is just so laughable to me now). I felt so good. I want that feeling back. I want to make it to the top of Mt. Timponogos this summer. I want to run for hours at a time. When I took Fitness for Life I was the most in-shape woman in my class, and close to the top for the dudes. I WANT IT BACK. So, I'm getting it back. It's hard, no doubt, thanks to these excess 100 ell bees, a screaming kid, a horrible sleep schedule, etc., but what else, really do I have to do?

I started my 7daychip goal today. I bombed it. I take that back. I went over my daily points by like 5 (I've got like 49 to work with), but my goal was to not go over, so I start again. I will earn this!

I cleared my freezer of the pizza from Friday. Pizza for breakfast is the bomb dot com. I'm down to crappy oranges.  I would like to make it a day or two more before going grocery shopping (gotta stretch that budget), but my desire for delicious fruits and veggies may push me to go sooner. Because really, pizza for breakfast? Delicious, but not the healthiest way to start your day. 

My lunch was definitely the healthiest thing I ate all day, since it was mostly spinach. I made the same thing I had for dinner last night, but added kalamata olives and hummus. These were wise decisions. Have we talked about my salt tooth? This did wondrous things to it.
Dinner was what did it to me. Do you see green in there? No? Me neither. I mean, there are 3 handfuls of spinach, but, it's way more pasta. Fewer simple carbs, Errin! How hard is that? 

I would post my outfit, but let's just say the first time I left the house this morning it was in my pajamas, and the second time, sweatpants. So, you really don't want to see that.

I'm going to try and implement some recipes from Alicia Silverstone's The Kind Diet: A Simple Guide to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Saving the Planet which I checked out from the library last week. The last half is really, really healthy--macrobiotic type stuff. Some of the recipes sound amazing, and they're exactly the kind of healthy I want to be eating. I'll post them here as I try them.

Day One (for like, the millionth time)

Today felt good. I took charge of my eating, and I feel really proud of myself. I weighed in. Sure enough, up 4.8 pounds. That brought me down in the morning, but I realized that all I can do is try again and again, so despite the setback, I moved on, and felt some genuine successes.

After yesterday's breakfast at Communal, I was craving greek yogurt. Chobani's honey is 4 points, and really good. I'm going to make granola tomorrow to make parfaits. I also had some Clinton's Jack Spratt sprouted wheat bread. It's made by a local company and it's only 4 points for 2 slices.

Lunch was some leftover pizza from the other night. I thought it would be tough to fit into my points/not worth the points, but after plugging in the recipe into the points calculator, I was able to eat more than my fill. (you'll see that I took a big ol' bite out of the butternut squash piece before snapping this picture). 14 points for all of that. Awesome.

Dinner was a surprise. Genuinely. I wasn't really planning on eating dinner, but when we got home from visiting Kieren, Scott and her sweet little peanut, I was starving. I sauteed some red onions, 3 handfuls of spinach, a half cup of quinoa (even though it's contributing to poor Bolivians not being able to eat their native food anymore, forcing them into eating like Americans. I already had it. I don't know how much more frequently I'll be buying it), some grape tomatoes and a little feta cheese. Super good. Super healthy. Super filling.

I only am going to let myself get slightly side-tracked here: I am completely overwhelmed by how unethical our food systems are in this country. We are so completely broken. I feel like I can't eat anything without feeling guilty. I'm working really hard to find ways around this, but, man. It really, really sucks.

I've been getting dressed, every day. I have the pictures to prove it, but I'm only going to post yesterday's (because I looked adorable) and today's (so I'm back on task...not so much with the loving of the outfit).

I bought this dress at Shade before they went out of business (and came back). I wore it on my date with Vegor. The only thing lacking is pockets. I'm pretty certain that every dress should have big old pockets. I'm strongly considering sewing pockets into every dress I own.

Listen. I get it. The stripes aren't doing anything for me. At all. Nor are the jeans. I look like a fifteen year old lumpy boy. Fine. Consider these items retired. I really like doing this. It makes me take inventory of the clothes I have and what I should be getting rid of (like the above), and knowing what I look and feel good in. I am learning what a huge impact getting ready has on my attitude and my willingness to do other things.

Does it feel like I'm back? Not so Debbie Downer, not so woe is me? I hope so. This past month and a half have been kind of brutal, and I'm not sure why. I've tried to come out on top a few times and got pulled back under, but I'm feeling as good and motivated as I was when I started this a few months ago, which I hope I can continue to maintain.

Delicious Food

Like I've said earlier this week, it hasn't been a great one w/ food and exercise choices. I allow myself to give up so easily. I wasn't feeling sad, or out of control, which are some of my normal eating triggers, I was feeling really happy. Basically, food is always my answer, and exercise is an afterthought. I often wish I had a tiny Ashley or Erin to stick in my pocket to yell at me when I'm making shitty choices (you ladies terrify me in the best possible way). Maybe I need to make tiny little laminate paper-dolls of the two and hang them on my fridge, and above my bed to fear motivate me into positive decisions.

My weigh-in tomorrow will likely terrify me. However, to put a positive spin here, my kid is finally taking decent naps (almost 2 hours, twice a day), which should give me more than enough time to get things done,   (like doing barre method a couple times a week, or getting my house clean so I don't have an excuse to not exercise). I'm going to start lifting weights a couple of times a week which I'm hoping helps boost the old metabolism.

Can we take a brief moment to talk about how delicious the food was I had this weekend? It was Vegs' birthday, and we went all out (and I question why my pants don't fit). Last night, we had a small get together wherein I made eight, yes, eight pizzas. From scratch. On the menu for the carnivores: ham, pineapple and almonds; pepperoni; pepperoni, mushrooms and olives. For the veggies (and veggie-consuming omnis): butternut squash and goat cheese; feta, kalamata olive, sundried tomato and red onion; barbecue w/ corn and green chiles; a vegan w/ all the veggies and daiya cheese; sundried tomato and basil. It was pretty blissful.

I also cooked this cake from scratch (clearly someone else's picture):

This morning we went to Communal for brunch (ok, it was 12:30, but we were up laa-aate). I had a biscuit, home fries and a Greek yogurt parfait. After the parfait deliciousness I plan on making my own granola so I can recreate it at home multiple times a week.

For dinner, we hit Tarahumara again. I had the same roasted veggie burrito I had last time. I think next time I'll opt for the veggie fajitas or something a little lighter. 

I've been fascinated/obsessed with eating local, ethical food since I read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life (P.S.) a few years ago, and have talked endlessly about it since reading Michael Pollan's books, but until I started getting vegetables from Jacob's Cove and eating at Pizzeria 712 and Communal, I didn't realize what it meant. I feel like I'm having a come to Jesus moment with food, and it's not about counting calories, or limiting my diet from certain things (though, clearly I still need to do that), it's about eating real, good food. This became abundantly clear after this morning's breakfast. My husband is a big dude, and normally, an egg, a little pork, a tortilla and some black beans would not fill him up, but that's because he normally wouldn't sit down and savor what he was eating. The food from Communal is so good, so simply emphasizes the amazing flavors of the food itself, it begs to be eaten slowly, to be relished, to be grateful for. He didn't eat again for another 6 hours, and was not hungry at all in between. I want to recreate this at home. I want to make food that is good enough, that is high quality enough that it encourages intuitive eating. I have the time to do it, and now I have the desire.

Who would have thought that a biscuit made with cream, slathered in butter and jam would make me feel like I could eat like a healthy, responsible, intuitive person? Not me, not until today at least. 

I found another thing recently, on twitter, #7daychip, which basically encourages you to make healthy eating decisions, one day at a time. Kind of a reward for keepin' on. I'm going to try for it this week, and then a #30daychip, #100daychip, etc. 

So, basically my body's in the dumps right now (sorry, body. We'll be better this week), but my head feels really clear. If/when I start getting whiny/excuse-y, please remind me of this.

I will probably gain 5 lbs. this week.

Reason One) I have not really been counting my points. This is the kiss of death. I need structure, and without it, I go wacko. I've not been eating too crazily, but I know my portions have been larger than they should be, and I've allowed myself way too many treats.

Reason Two) I had my first green drink, which is my first real encounter with a green veggie in like a week, today for breakfast. Greens keep me, ahem, moving, and without them I've been a bit, shall we say, sluggish down there. Basically, my weight isn't leaving my body.

Reason Three) Vegor's Birthday. Cake. Food. It's just going to be a problem.

Reason Four) Spring Break. It's basically a perfect storm of not doing what I should around these parts. The combination of being off my schedule (you should see the wreck that is my house), and having Vegor around all the time does not do good things for my diet. Not that I don't like having him here, because I really do. Really, really do. It's just that it feels like we're on vacation, and I'm horrible at sticking to what I should do when I'm on va(or, in this case, stay)cation.

Reason Five) Desert Mouth. I don't know why I haven't been drinking water lately, but I realized the other night that I hadn't had any all day. Normally I have two or three of my giant hospital mugs of water a day (that's like 96 oz, on a regular day). This is not helping with the elimination factor (that's a classy way to say poop, right?)

Reason Six) Pee Emm Ess. I am so jacked right now. How about my freaking lady flow shows up? I'm so bloaty (and cranky, and hungry, and break-outy) that I know my water weight is out of this world.

Basically, I'm not looking forward to my weigh-in on Sunday. I don't want to see the number, and I don't want to deal with the guilt. I'm getting so pissy with myself for not doing the things I know to do. Fuh. Me.

The Great Outdoors

First, a bit of catch-up. My intentions of blurgh-ing yesterday were sidelined by a surprise (FREE) trip to the Jazz game last night. Vegs and I had a great time, and will certainly go back again. This was my first time, and I am glad I went at this point in my life, because I think at any previous time I would have been too neurotic to have enjoyed myself.

So, a brief game of catchup:

Yesterday I was still scouring the house for comestibles, but created a really decent lunch out of the remaining veggies in the house. I sauteed butternut squash, broccoli and asparagus w/ a little pesto and sun-dried tomatoes. Add pita and hummus, and well, you have yourself a royal highness dish.

I also ate about 5 oranges yesterday. I bought a huge bag at Costco and I cannot stop. Seriously. I've had 2 today. They are really sweet and juicy. I haven't had a bad one yet, and that's pretty impressive in my book.

For dinner I had a Red Mango frozen yogurt and a soft pretzel. I know. But, when your food options are brought to you by the fine folks at Energy Solutions Arena, you work with what you've got. I'm under no illusion that the pretzel was in any way healthy (but it hit my salt-tooth like you wouldn't believe), but the Red Mango was not too shabby. I had raspberries and blueberries on it, and enjoyed every little drip.

Breakfast this morning was the standard PB&J in a flatout wrap with, real shocker here, an orange. It turned out to be the perfect breakfast pre-workout. Substantial enough to make me feel full, but not heavy so it didn't drag on me at all. I'm not used to eating before my workouts, so I was happy to have been so successful (and even more happy that it didn't create an on-run poo situation).

Which brings me to the best part of all of this. I started back on C25K today. Outside. Holy hell, friend-os. This is exactly what I have needed. I started back at the beginning, since I've been 1) pretty lax about my fitness regimen as of late, and 2) running outdoors, especially while pushing a stroller is different. This turned out to be a really good decision. My workout was divided into 9 one minute runs and 8 one and a half minute walks. By the end of my minutes I was feeling winded, but not so much that I was dying. It pushed me just right without making me feel like a failure. I did the workout twice, and ended up going just over three and a half miles. Running outside is what my equation has been missing. I don't need playlists (as long as I'm on the river. In-suburbia running is a different story), and I like the variety of hills and scenery. I don't find myself wanting my running intervals to be over like I typically do when I'm on the treadmill. Basically, I'm in loooooooove!

Here's an obligatory post-workout picture of me and my running partner. She does really well, and it gives her a chance to get out her yelling without me feeling embarrassed (though it may terrify passersby, to see a tiny little munch just screaming her head off, but not crying). I'm so happy to be outdoors again!

A Burrito as Big as Your Head

Or, why I only lost .8 pounds last week.

It's weird that it is Sunday. The weekend zoomed by with all the beautiful weather, and being outside, so I've been a bit negligent on posting. That, and I ate a big, delicious pile of garbage yesterday, and I was full of shame.

Friday was great. Lots of walks w/ the babe, sitting outdoors, visiting grandma and hanging out at home w/ Mr. Vegor.

Saturday we journeyed up to Heber, and had full intention of playing tennis, racquetball and walking, but it turned into watching my baby explode out of every possible orifice. And Mexican food. The best Mexican food I have ever had, and I'm generally willing to lick the plates of strangers at Red Iguana. If you live in Utah, (or are visiting, bless your little heart) get your ass to Tarahumara. Like, now. Seriously, if you are reading this during business hours, stop what you're doing and drive to Midway so you can eat there. I had a roasted veggie burrito, with rice and beans, but the thing that knocked my socks off was the salsa bar. Cilantro/corn/jalapeno? Ok. Roasted Chilis w/ salt. Mmmm. They seriously probably had 30 salsas. I mixed the spicy mango in with my rice, and was ready to serve a 2 year mission on its behalf. Vegs had a shark taco (what? how is that a thing?) and highly recommends it to all you shark-eaters out there.  Anyway, I ate a huge plate of Mexican food that used up my daily points, my weekly points, and probably then some.

My home is void of veggies right now. Grocery shopping on Tuesday, but I've realized that I need to have a lot of healthy options available or I start making excuses and eating things I shouldn't. I had full intention of eating really healthily today, and it went all out the window with an egg bagel and nachos. On the upside, we walked for over an hour this evening, and it made me feel so great. Now that I don't have to wake up for work or school, I have no problem with springing forward (Evie even slept through the night!), and I really enjoyed it being light for so long (though the kid had a bit of a struggle going to bed). We walked along the river and it was so busy with people out walking, skateboarding, running, etc. I even busted out the rollerblades for the first half. Let's just say we'll need some practice before I can go out on them without the husband by my side.

I'm ready for a new week, new choices, new opportunities. I'm looking forward to having a good attitude and doing the things I know are important and help me reach my goals. Basically, sunshine equals me feeling good and feeling hopeful and feeling like I can do these things I've set out to do.

Vegan. No mas?

Ok, let's be honest with one another. I haven't been "vegan" for quite some time, taking my vegan time-outs as I saw fit, and it just makes me feel really icky to have a label like that lurking over my head when I know I don't completely ascribe to it. It pretty much makes me feel like a trendy asshat, and I'm not down. So, I am no longer a vegan, or on a vegan diet. Much of what I eat will be vegan, as it is now, but I'm not going to let myself feel bad for eating eggs, honey or dairy from ethically-sourced, local providers. Hell, I'm probably not going to let myself feel bad for eating those things from non-local providers, where the best I can hope for is that it's organic.

A couple of my reasons:

1.  I stopped eating dairy and eggs because I couldn't control myself as a vegetarian with them as options. My previous vegetarian diet looked a little like this: cereal, ice cream, cheese pizza, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, etc. Basically, the pinnacle of unhealthy eating. I'm past that now. I love how healthily I eat, and I don't really want to change that, so I feel confident in my ability to add those things back into my diet without losing control. If I can't manage, I'll return to eliminating them completely. I've always really struggled to be in the middle, and it's a real marker of health (mental, more than anything) to be able to actually live in moderation. So, I'm trying it.

2. I've been thinking more and more about a comment Erin made a bit ago about all the processed vegan foods. At this point, I'm really concerned with things being healthy over them being non-animal products. I would much rather have a bit of sour cream or buttermilk than the list of chemicals that are clogging up the backside of my Tofutti Sour Supreme. And to be honest, I prefer cashew cream to all of them. Basically, I want my food to be real, and I have found a lot of vegan options/substitutions that I really love that fit that requirement, but a lot are just globs of chemicals and I'm not okay with that anymore.

So, we'll see what happens. I certainly can't tear into a hunk of flesh, especially not any meat that comes from the hugely disgusting factory farming industry. I'm not ok w/ meat in general, but I actually really like the idea of humans and animals living symbiotically in good relationships with one another, and there are a lot of farms around here where that's happening.

Today I did a nice jog to campus and walk back, which is just under 2 miles. The weather was so blissfully perfect I couldn't help but get outside. It's supposed to be rainy tomorrow, but back to good for the weekend. The weather does wonderful things for my attitude toward everything, including exercise.

I've been looking at a lot of body-building blogs lately (I don't really know why) and feel like I'd really like to start doing more strength workouts. I have P90X and The Bar Method, so I should try and do one of those a few days a week along with my cardio.

I'm out of Dave's. I ate the two butt pieces (is that what you call the ends?) w/ avocado, salt, pepper and grape tomatoes for breakfast. I don't really know how I'm going to survive w/o it, as I'm not making a Costco trip for another week. I suppose it's onto oatmeal or tofu scramble.

Lunch was a flat-out wrap w/ peanut butter, jelly and a banana. I can't believe how satisfying this meal is. I stay full for quite awhile, and it keeps my sweet tooth at bay. I also had a kind of hard pear.

Pocky! I ate a quarter of the package. I love Pocky! I also had a Tagalong, but made Veg keep the rest of the box in his office so I wouldn't be tempted, as I know I would eat the whole box if given the chance.

Dinner was kind of blah, just a salad and some mashed potatoes w/ sauteed onions, but I did discover something wonderful. Umebashi vinegar. If you like umami, you will love this. I don't know quite how to describe it other than salty and tart, but not briny. I made a salad dressing w/ it, olive oil, red wine vinegar and a little agave. The savoriness of the umebashi kept me from having to add salt, which is fine by me.

This is not the outfit I wore today. It is one of four. I was attacked by the barf monster so many times. Poor kitten just made some really gnarly pukes today. So, I wore this for all of about 15 minutes, but it is the outfit I intended on wearing today, so that should count for something, right?


Dinner was a colossal failure. I run into this more frequently than not, as I don't use recipes, so as I'm tasting along the way, if I've run out of a certain ingredient, or find I don't have it, I end up trying to compensate in really weird ways. I was trying to make Bird's curry, but things weren't going my way (this was mostly due to trying to just remember the recipe). I tried to thicken the sauce w/ arrowroot, I put the noodles directly into it, and ultimately it just ended up a peanut-buttery, gloppy mess. There are no pictures, as I don't want anyone being forced to vomit just for looking. Next time? Recipe.

Breakfast was a repeat of yesterday, but I took a picture anyway to show that I am trying to take pictures of all my meals. I had a cup of coffee today, which I normally don't as the tiny spawn kept us up all hours of the night. Which, is really killing my workouts/motivation to workout. My dearheart Kieren and I were talking today about how celebrities always look so good right after having babies, and I can't conceive of how it happens. Even if I had a personal trainer and a chef, I wouldn't have the energy after being awake all night long. Basically the baby is kicking my ass right now. I'm at least going to try to walk to my errands tomorrow so I can get some movement in.

Even though she has clearly made a pact with the Lord of the Underworld, she's just so damn cute. Here's an obligatory picture of her eating my breakfast. Yes, that's Sesame Street on the TV. I'm not one of those "no TV for my baby" kind of parents. She loves Sesame Street, and I love that she loves it.

I snacked on some cucumbers and hummus this afternoon after getting back from Kieren's (I went to see her and her sweet little peanut, who I might just steal and eat with an array of dipping sauces), but didn't bother with lunch at all. I'm glad I didn't, because dinner had more points than I'm happy with eating in one meal, but thanks to no lunch I wasn't in any trouble.

Vegor said my outfit looked like Ikea today. I probably won't wear it ever again.

Mouth Blister

Have you ever made a risotto so delicious that you were willing to sacrifice life and limb to get a taste of its boiling deliciousness? Oh, I have. I seriously have a giant blister on the roof of my mouth from tasting dinner tonight. Painful as it may be, I swear it was worth it.

I spent the day feeding my 7 month old (how did that happen?) so many scraps of human food. She refuses to eat baby food, but if it comes from my plate, and my fork, she'll wolf it down. Which means today she had avocado on toast, mangoes, bananas, tomato soup, carrot muffin (from Auntie Bonnie, I didn't even have a taste, and yes, I'm proud), risotto. This kid has quite the palate. I just hope she doesn't get sick. She seemed fine all day, so I'm guessing no harm, no foul.

I had the best breakfast, perhaps ever. Ok. Hyperbolic statement of the day. But it really was so delicious. I had a fruit salad with pears, mangoes, oranges, bananas and kiwi fruit. Since I used up no points, I decided to enjoy half an avocado w/ salt and pepper on a couple of toasted pieces of Dave's (I've been using low-carb/calorie wraps instead of bread lately). I could happily eat this for every meal.

For lunch I met up w/ a friend at Mimi's. I am actually pretty anti-Mimi's, as everytime I go the service is horrible, and I usually end up sick, but I knew I wasn't going to have anything too gnarly, so I conceded. I had a garden salad w/ balsamic vinaigrette on the side and vegetarian vegetable soup. The company was delightful, but it was certainly a waste of ten bones, especially since I'm trying to limit the eating out money. No picture. I feel super awkward about taking pictures of my food in public.

Dinner was pretty stellar. I made baked tofu, which I dredged in cajun breadcrumbs, risotto asparagus, and a green salad w/ a mustard vinaigrette. I was getting ready to toss my magic bullet (it tends to leak all over the place) but with the smaller container that I can do salad dressings in doesn't leak and makes such easy work of homemade salad dressings (buying just bums me out).

I'm going to try and take pictures of everything I eat again. It really helps me be more accountable. Even though I'm accountable for the points w/ Weight Watchers, the shame factor goes even further for me. So, let me publicly shame some of my choices today (and let it be said, I'm not ashamed because of the fat-making factor of these foods, just their sheer unhealthiness. I've been trying to steer clear of HCFS and man if I didn't make best friends w/ it today). I ate half a package of Pocky (1/2 a serving), and a scoop of Girl Scout Samoas ice cream. Not crazy go nuts, but if I'm having treats, I'd prefer it be something I made, where I know all the ingredients.

Outfit today is a dress I haven't worn in a couple of years, but it's one of my favorites. It's definitely too small, which makes it much shorter than it should be, so I rocked a pair of shorts underneath. This is the first time I've worn tights since before I was pregnant. Weird feeling, man. I'll be glad when it's warmer and bare legs are all the rage. 

Finally, some effing essercize.

You. Guys. It felt so good to move today! It wasn't out of control, about 40 minutes of walking and running with my sister (the perfect running partner for me. We run at about the same speed, both pushing strollers) on the indoor track at her rec center. It has convinced me that is what I'm going to do on bad weather days. I just hope Orem Rec is down with that biz.

I've learned a couple things about myself over the past couple of months, food-wise. One) I loooooooove fruit. Love it. If I could make a baby with it, I would. I think that's been the kicker for me on being successful w/ Weight Watchers. Two) I have not met a roasted vegetable that I don't like (I can even stomach beets, and I am not a fan of beets). I've been adding balsamic to my roasting mix, and let me just tell you, I might start bathing in it (balsamic, that is). Growing up, I was not a vinegar fan, but now, I'm falling in love with all of them.

So, I lost another 2.5 lbs on WW this past week, and this is without adding exercise to the mix. I am also realizing that I can probably lose weight faster if I don't delve into my "weekly" points, or at least not eat all of them. I really like that they're there, but I can certainly be more hardcore.

I think I'm going to try and add another component to these here posts, which is to take a picture of myself/what I'm wearing every day. The reasons being two(or more)fold. One) I think it will be cool to look back and see my progress documented w/ images so frequently, rather than just jumping from fat pictures to skinny pictures. I want to see the middle. Two) It inspires me to actually get ready, which inspires me to do all the other things in my life that I need to do, which keeps me on task with my diet and exercise as well (this is like, 99.99 percent mental). So, without further adieu, picture numero uno.

These were the jeans that I was battling to get into after having the baby. They're downright comfy at this point. If you're short-limbed like myself, you can get away with buying crops (which are like, always on clearance) and they just fit like regular pants. The shirt is from Old Navy. I have a horizontal stripe problem, namely, I want everything I wear to be covered in them. Damn the rules, man. I make stripes look good!


While we sat around this evening, watching The Wire (dudes, it's so good) I browsed around on the interwebs. I came across fitblogger (it's kind of like blogher, a network for bloggers) and it turned me on to so many awesome and inspiring weight-loss bloggers.

Not only are these ladies inspiring me to get my butt moving again, they are also inspiring me to make things look a little better around here. Expect some sprucing up in the next little bit. Also, I'm thinking of adding a few more components to this here blahghitty-blahg (outright stealing them from other blogs, but that's how errbody does it, right?).

Stay tuned, dudes. Stay tuned.

Found my race!

I needed something concrete to aim toward, so, here it is!


Maybe that will get some fire under my butt.

ess to the ICK. alone.

Sorry I have been away, internet compadres. I spent Sunday through Thursday w/o husband, sick in my bones, with a sick tiny one. Basically, we were just trying to stay afloat around these parts this week.

I'm still madly in love w/ weight watchers. By the end of this month I'm pretty sure I will have lost all my pregnancy weight (25 pounds!) and man alive will that feel good.

I haven't been doing much as far as exercise goes, (unless you count cleaning the hell out of my house yesterday, and a walk to the park exercise...which they are, I suppose), but now that I don't feel so bound to the house and am not a constant mouth-breather, I am excited for that to change, too. I'm going to restart Couch to 5k outside. I can run for 20 minutes on the treadmill (well, jog), but outside it's still such a struggle for me. I even run on an incline on the treadmill, but I guess that's not enough. So, I'm going to start from square one, especially since it's harder with the stroller (fwiw, moms that want to run, scour craigslist for a  BOB. I got one that's about 5 years old for 75 bucks and it is by far the best mom purchase I have made). I'm thinking that I might actually like to run a 5k. Initially I just wanted to be able to run that distance, and even though the thought of a race paralyzes me with anxiety, I think I need something concrete to aim for. I'm looking for something in May. That's so freaking soon. I think babies/children might be secret time monsters that breathe hours in when you're not looking.

Cooking has been pretty lame, mere survival mode shi, but I have made a few tasty treats as of late.

Breakfast for the past few days has been a banana wrapped in a whole-grain tortilla w/ peanut butter and the most amaze-dog fruit spread, ever.
Sweetened w/ grape juice. So delicious. A little pricy, but not enough where it's prohibitive (though I make a lot of food exceptions to that rule).

My sister turned me on to a delicioso recipe for oven roasted potatoes (root veg, whatevs). 

2 russet potatoes
2 sweet potatoes
Olive oil (to coat)
1/2 onion
3 cloves garlic, minced
salt and pepper to taste.

Chop potatoes and onions, coat w/ oil and spices. Bake in a 425 oven for about 45 minutes. I put mine on a salad with baked tofu and let the face-melting awesomeness commence.

Last night I made tofu tikka masala. I used tofutti's Sour Supreme, which I think has a bit more yogurt-y tartness than soy yogurt does, and it's a bit creamier. I used Patak's Tikka Masala simmer sauce. It was ok, but I added lemon, coriander, agave and red pepper flakes. I also made sweet brown rice, which is pretty much brown sticky rice, and it is flat-out rad. I think I should probably make mango and sticky rice this weekend...

So yeah, I'm back(ish). Hopefully to be more consistent now that death is no longer lurking behind me.