Dudes. I suck. You know when you stop doing something that's only beginning to become a habit, how it's eff-bomb hard to go back to it after you've given yourself a break? Yeah. That's where I am with my gym time. I haven't been since Friday and I feel like a royal schlub. I know it's only Tuesday, and I have the rest of the week to still catch up, but man alive, those early mornings are feeling ever earlier.
I'm forcing myself in the morning, though. Gym clothes are set out, car is in the underground parking so I won't have to scrape. I bought new earbuds for my iphone. Basically, I don't have any excuses other than it being early, but I need to just keep telling myself that I can take a nap during the day if I need to.
I also need to give myself some credit. This. Is. Hard. I sometimes let myself get carried away by momentum (positive or negative) and when that fades, I struggle facing reality. But, it's okay. I can do hard things. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't walk away in the face of difficulty, who doesn't give up because it's a challenge. That's how I got to where I am today, and I don't want to be there anymore. So yeah, it sucks to not have treats whenever you want them, and it's no fun to wake up super-early to sweat your ass off, and one can only eat so many vegetables before it drives them a little batty. But, you know what else? It's not that hard. I got myself here, I can damn well get myself back out. The fact that this is my "struggle" only speaks to how easy I have it. First world problems, I like to call them. Woe is me, I have too much food. Yeah, I know. Makes you feel like a real piece of work.
There's a great line from a recent Jonathan Safran Foer interview where he says, "People use the fear of hypocrisy to justify total inaction." Man, don't we though? I have always tended to be a tad on the extreme of things, trying to make binaries a real thing (take that postmodernism!) but, I find the closer I come to the center, to being moderate, to living in the complexity of gray, the happier I am (how freaking Zen am I?). Rather that telling myself I have to be 100 percent vegan all the time and the minute I eff up I might as well have a steak, I have to recognize myself on a continuum and know that first of all, no one is perfect, thanks to this little pearl called being a human, and that messing up doesn't make you a hypocrite. Hypocrisy comes from speaking out of both sides of your mouth. It's anti-gay ministers doing blow with male prostitutes. And maybe I just don't care if I'm a hypocrite. I'm trying, for crying out loud. I don't really know where this is going...Oh, wait. Yes I do. I'm going to eat cheese this week (I think). It's Vegs' and my 6th anniversary and we're going to dinner, either Communal or Pizzeria 712. I'm not going to eat meat, because I'm not down w/ the flesh consumption, but I know that both of these restaurants go out of their way to find ethically-sourced food, so I have no problem in the occasional indulgence. And that doesn't make me a bad person (does it sound like I feel guilty? Because I don't).
I think I'm big on this right now because I want people to be making positive changes in their lives. I know so many people who are trapped in really unhappy situations, largely due to problems with their weight, who won't budge. There's always an excuse (believe me, I have used and will continue to fight the urge to use all of them), which is just a lie you tell yourself to maintain misery. I think being a little more gentle with ourselves when we undertake huge challenges, like completely changing the way you eat, adding exercise, etc. you set yourself up for success. That idea of one mess up meaning the end of it all just cannot be the way we live. So you devoured a large cheese pizza last night? Okay. That sucks. Now, get over yourself and start again. I read an article the other day (who knows where, I read like one bazillion blogs, and they all kind of meld together into one, giant superblog) where they suggested that each meal was "the beginning of your diet." Think of each meal, each workout with that enthusiasm toward change that you have when you start a diet, or start the new year. If you messed up on lunch, that's okay, dinner is an entity unto itself.
Speaking of meals, I have actually been taking pictures (kind of...if you can call them that), but am without my usb cord on the reg. So, no pictures, yet again.
Dave's Bread toasted w/ Earth Balance
Garden wrap w/ baked tofu and roasted butternut squash. Holy hell. I put some pickles on there too, and it was an explosion of awesome.
Dreyer's whole fruit tangerine bar
Wasa crackers w/ almond butter and jam
2 squares of Chocolove dark chocolate w/ raspberries
(Is it wholly apparent to anyone besides me that my effing period finally showed up after 2 long months away? Hence the constant need for sweets, I reckon.)
Homemade veggie pizza, with lots of veg and Teese, which sort of melts. The secret to homemade pizza crust is 2 things: A super hot oven (I par-bake my crusts to make sure they cook all the way throughout the end) and Mark Bittman's crust recipe from "How to Cook Everything". I always double it so I don't have to make it as frequently, but it goes a little something like this:
6 cups flour (whole-wheat/white/spelt/whatever tickles your fancy)
1 1/2 Tbsp yeast
2 1/2 cups warm water
2 Tbsp coarse Kosher salt
4 Tablespoons olive oil (plus more later)
I also add a few Tbsp of dried Italian herbs and red pepper flakes. You can modify it as you want. Garlic is a nice addition. I like to put a little agave to sweeten things up
I think it really helps to get your bowl really warm before you start. I use a stainless steel one, so I just run it under hot water for a minute. Combine the water and yeast (and sweetener, if you're using it) and let proof for about 5 minutes. Add the flour and mix (I have used a mixer and my hands...I prefer my hands, fewer things to wash). Knead until all the flour has worked in and the dough is fairly sticky. Add the olive oil, continue to mix, and make sure the dough is well coated in oil so it doesn't stick to the bowl as it rises. Cover with a warm towel and let rise for up to 2 hours (I warm my oven to the lowest temperature and then turn it off, and let the dough rise in there). Then, roll it out and bake for about 4-5 minutes in a 450 degree (or hotter, if you dare) oven before you put sauce and toppings on. Then bake for another 5-10 minutes, or until toppings are all cooked. Voila!