"Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For"
I really, really need to learn to forgive myself for the damage I have done to my body. I can get pretty angry with myself sometimes, for letting myself get this big, for getting so unhealthy, for not taking care of my health. While I need to get on track with these things, the negative attitude I can have doesn't do anyone any good.
I've never participated in bad body-talk in front of another person (well, okay, maybe my husband). I remember in high school, or with college roommates, getting so angry when girls would talk about how "fat" they were, or how they hated this or that about themselves. It always devolves into a vicious self-hate spiral, and almost a competition w/ other women over who can hate themselves more. We have enough garbage coming at us all the time, we don't need this, too.
It's always especially frustrating when I ever only feel this way about my own body. I love to see bodies in all shapes and sizes, but won't accept my own? That seems to be a bunch of crap. It's something I really fight against, and really don't want Evie to ever have to battle, so I really want to move past this negative habit before she gets old enough to catch on to any of my body-image issues (isn't it sad that we get so much of this passed down to us from earlier generations?). I want to be genuinely happy with my body, with how strong it is, what it can do, how healthy it is. I want to get past the negative talk and on to the positive.